On Disasters and Distractions
by tabine
Summary: Disaster is almost certainly a guarantee when you've been given the task of seducing your own boyfriend as a way to distract him from potentially murdering his almost-future-brother-in-law. Almost. [Nejiten, background Naruhina.]


For **nairil** — I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to writing this fic, and even though it isn't what you originally wanted, I still hope you enjoy it all the same.

 **Heads up, kiddos: shameless PWP lies ahead.**

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 **On Disasters and Distractions  
** **By Tabine**

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 _Disaster is almost certainly a guarantee when you've been given the task of seducing your own boyfriend as a way to distract him from potentially murdering his almost-future-brother-in-law. Almost._

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It all began when Naruto got it into that thick skull of his head that he was going to propose to Hinata.

Naturally, for all parties involved, the entire thing was a disaster waiting to happen. And, _oh_ , were there many — parties, that is. Not disasters. Then again, whether or not something _was_ a disaster probably depended on who you were asking. Particularly when the conversation involved Naruto's plan on how to propose to Hinata. And if the conversation also happened to involve Tenten and the role she played in the whole thing, well.

You would end up with some very mixed results.

* * *

Tenten had been inside the Hyuuga estate countless times.

So had Lee.

And even Guy-sensei, too.

This was hardly surprising, considering that the last member rounding out their old genin team was, well, _Neji_ , and therefore a _Hyuuga_. Besides, going to a teammate's house after training, or stopping by on the way home after a mission wasn't a strange thing to do by any means, even for those who were a part of Konoha's most emotionally-constipated family, and Tenten was well within her rights to be there.

She'd just never been to the Hyuuga estate with an ulterior motive before. Well, an ulterior motive that didn't involve delicious food, anyway, because whatever the Hyuuga cooks put into their food made it absolutely _amazing_. Or sex either, for that matter, but at least Tenten knew she'd _never_ need an ulterior motive for that (for which she was extremely grateful: just getting Neji to _kiss_ her when they first started dating was a feat that required much conniving and planning on her part, and a pain in the ass to execute, even if it _had_ been _so_ worth it in the end).

On this particular night, however, Tenten wasn't there for food — and the worst part was that Neji seemed to know.

Currently, he was watching her silently over the rim of his cup of tea, pale eyes narrowed and… well, that was it, actually. But because this was _Neji_ , that was all he really needed to do to make her hair stand on end under the scrutiny of his stare; the palpable tension between them certainly wasn't helping matters, either.

And that gave Tenten an idea. She liked the idea so much, in fact, that she set her own teacup down on the table with a definitive _chink_ and leaned toward Neji with a conspiratorial grin.

He raised an eyebrow at her, but did not set down his cup. "What is it?"

Tenten shrugged and pushed herself away from the table. "I was just thinking," she began slowly.

"About what?" Neji finally set down his cup, folded his arms across his chest, watching with thinly-veiled interest as Tenten circled the table until she was at his side.

She shrugged, and casually straddled his lap. "Just stuff," she said, resting her arms on his shoulders.

Neji's hands settled on her hips. "Meaning…?"

Tenten shrugged again. "Well, for one thing, the only reason I'm here tonight is because I'm supposed to distract you." She pressed her mouth against the side of his neck, suckled on the point below his ear she knew he liked, waiting until she heard inhale sharply before whispering in his ear, "Am I doing a good job?"

"Mm, that depends," came the reply. His hands began to creep up her shirt, trailing lightly along the edge of her bra. "Who sent you, and what are you distracting me from?"

"Naruto." Tenten pulled at the sleeves of his robe, exposing one pale shoulder. "He's hoping your cousin will become the future Mrs. Future Hokage tonight, and needed me to make sure you wouldn't try to kill him in the attempt."

"I see." Pushing up her bra, Neji dragged his thumbs over her nipples; she gasped at the sensation, and he smirked. "Is that why you changed out of the sports bra you were wearing earlier, during training? To distract me from killing my future brother-in-law?"

Tenten smiled at him conspiratorially. "Maybe," she replied, threading her fingers through his dark curtain of hair. "You don't seem too surprised."

"I was there when Naruto asked Hiashi-sama for permission to propose to Hinata-sama," Neji told her. He let his hands fall away from her breasts, allowed them to settle on her hips. "But now I am curious to see exactly how it is you intend to distract me."

Her grin widened, and Tenten tilted her head toward him. "I thought I'd start with something like this," she murmured, and pressed her lips against his softly.

It was nice, she thought, to be able to kiss him so languidly — they hadn't had much time, lately, for much more than quick moments of hurried intimacy stolen between missions and the demands of the shinobi world in the wake of the last Great War (to say nothing of the time it had taken for Neji to fully recover from his wounds before being allowed to once again be registered for active duty) and Tenten relished in the simple sensation of Neji's lips against her own, content to remain like this, if only for a little while.

Patience had never been a virtue of Neji's, however — at least where physical pleasure was concerned. It did not take long for his kisses to become more aggressive, his tongue pressing insistently against the seam of her mouth and his grip on her hips to tighten, and when one hand trailed down to cup her bottom firmly, Tenten pulled away with a soft laugh.

"There's no need to be so impatient," she chided him gently, removing her hands from his hair.

He frowned at her, despite the lust darkening his gaze. "I thought you were here to distract me."

"I am — now let me seduce you in peace already."

At her words, Neji's eyes grew noticeably darker. He was still frowning, though, but he did lean back in his chair without a complaint when Tenten pushed lightly at his chest in silent indication. When she reached down for the hem of her shirt and pulled the garment over head in one fluid movement, she did not miss the way his eyes roved over the expanse of skin now bared to him, how his expression became one of mild curiosity and thinly-veiled excitement, his tongue running along his lower lip as her arms reached upwards to untie the ribbons that held up her hair, allowing the thick locks to settle around her shoulders with a quiet sigh.

For some reason, the sight of Neji's tongue entranced her, even after he'd drawn it back into his mouth. She found herself studying his mouth, captivated by its shape and softness, brushing a thumb along the curve of his lower lip without a second thought.

His breath hitched, and Neji continued to watch her in silent curiosity.

Emboldened, Tenten dragged her fingers along his pale skin, marveling in the aristocratic arch of his cheekbones, the regal cut of his jaw. She trailed further down, along the strong column of his neck (he swallowed thickly, and she watched the apple of his throat bob in fascination), traced along the edge of his collar bones, stopping only when she reached his shoulders: one bared, thanks to her earlier actions, and the other still covered by the jade-green cotton of his robe.

"I don't know if I've ever told you, but you are a very attractive man." She pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat and smiled up at him. "I like to think our future children will be beautiful."

Immediately, Neji stiffened and looked down at her sharply. "You're pregnant?"

Tenten laughed. Straightening, she brushed her lips lightly against his before looking him in the eye. "No, I'm not," she assured him. "I'll wait until we're married first — you Hyuuga are all so traditional, after all."

"We're hardly being traditional at the moment, you know," he pointed out. Gripping her thighs, he tugged her as close as was physically possible, fingers pressing into her with force enough to bruise even through the material of her pants. "But thank you for your consideration."

She grinned. "You're welcome. I'm going to get back to seducing you, now."

"By all means, go ahead."

Deciding she'd had enough of the slow, lazy kisses for the time being, Tenten did not hesitate in drawing Neji's lower lip between her teeth when she dipped her chin toward him a second time. It tore a low, guttural groan from his throat, and she did it again, gentler than before. She pushed the robe off his shoulders, the fabric sliding smoothly against his skin, and Neji released his hold on her long enough to slip his arms through the sleeves, allowing the material to pool around his waist. Almost lazily, she dragged her nails along the newly-exposed skin of his back. He hissed at the sensation, and suddenly, she was overwhelmed by heat.

Neji's tongue was hot in her mouth, and he was clutching Tenten to his chest, crushing her against him. Warm fingers dragged along the skin of her back, catching on the clasp of her bra and unfastening it deftly. She pushed against him, and he allowed her out of his embrace only briefly — tossing the bra to the floor, she leaned toward him closer yet, tangling her fingers in his dark hair, and when she kissed him again, the steady flame of desire they'd been kindling burst into a raging inferno.

Without warning, Neji stood, pale hands gripping her thighs tightly, and Tenten wrapped her legs around his hips, even as their kisses grew more fevered, a clash of tongue and lips and teeth. Somehow, they made it to the futon in the corner of the room, where Tenten pushed him down to lay flat on his back.

She parted his robe, and grinned at him wickedly, trailing her fingers along his abdomen before pressing her hand against him, her mouth following a moment after.

"How am I doing?" Tenten asked against him, hooking her fingers into the hem of his boxers, dragging the garment down his hips, his legs, with aching slowness, before pulling them off completely and tossing them to the side.

Neji watched her with half-lidded eyes as she shifted onto her side and met his gaze as she removed the rest of her own clothing, straddled him again. It took everything he had to stop himself from pulling her onto him. "Naruto should ask you to distract me more often."

"Duly noted," she replied with a grin, and lowered herself onto him with a low and drawn-out sigh.

Groaning, Neji settled his hands on Tenten's hips, fingers digging painfully into her skin. She answered with a moan in kind, leaning up to press her mouth to his, gasping sharply when he snapped his hips into her with quick, accurate thrusts.

It did not take long to lose themselves in one another, for Tenten to come around him with a shuddering moan moments after Neji spilled himself in her. She rolled off him languidly, and raised a curious eyebrow when he slanted a considering glance at her as their breaths grew steadier, their pulses slowed.

"What is it?" she asked, sighing happily when Neji leaned over her and brushed his lips against hers.

"Just thinking," he answered, smirking even as he press kisses along her jaw. "How many more distractions are you willing to provide tonight?"

A laugh bubbled from her throat, and Tenten pulled him closer — she could already feel him stiffening against her thigh. "You're insatiable."

Neji's answer was to press his fingers between her thighs, and she arched against him with a moan. "What a disaster," he muttered, and silenced whatever retort she might have had with a heady kiss.

* * *

In the end, Naruto's plan to propose turned out to _not_ be a complete disaster: Hinata had said yes, and Tenten had the honor to hear the news straight from the mouth of the newly-engaged bride-to-be herself.

Of course, Tenten hadn't planned on still being naked in Neji's bed when it happened (thank _goodness_ they were only caught kissing) and she _certainly_ hadn't counted on the entirety of the Hyuuga clan traipsing into the room mere seconds after Hinata had discovered their less-than-decent state but, well. As far as disasters went, Tenten experienced much, much worse — such as when she found herself giving birth without an epidural, nine months later, screaming about how she was going to kill Naruto (and also Neji) for getting her into that particular situation in the first place.

But _that_ , dear reader, is a story for another day.

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 **The End**

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I… actually hadn't intended on this being such a humorous piece at all. It just sort of, well, wrote itself, I guess. Which in one way was rather refreshing, because I haven't written anything in this particular style in _ages_ , and I'd nearly forgotten how much I loved it, but was also kind of hard at the same time because I forgot how easy it was to sound like an apathetic little shit when writing this way. Heh.

The quip about "being traditional" is a shout-out of sorts to _it may not be a lot (but i feel like i'm making the most_ by **yahboobeh** because that specific line is just really hilarious to me for some reason and I love it.

Also, this is probably one of the most explicit things I've written in quite a while, even if I'm still not able to write Tab-A-in-Slot-B action anymore. Whoops. :x I'm still kind of proud of myself, though, especially since I more-or-less gave up on plot in favor of smut, and you can really definitely tell that I wrote this inconsistently over the course of several days. Yes.

Thanks for reading! Feedback, like always, is appreciated!


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